Ghost In The Machine,
by nostalgia
(Bloody internet wouldn't do italics. *these* instead, alas.

--------


She knows, really, that the only reason she's with Julian is to
remind Dax that she is Ezri.



The voices protest when she takes his hand and leads him to the bed,
Curzon lectures her on the ethics of what she is doing as she leans
in to kiss Julian, tells her to accept her joined state as she
reaches to undress him.

Jadzia reminds her that there were plenty of good reasons why she,
the previous host, the one Julian is probably thinking of as he
leans back into the mattress, never did this. You don't love him,
she admonishes, This isn't fair.

Ezri pointedly ignores the dead voices inside her, moans her new
lover's name with a mixture of triumph and spite. Torias calls her
an ingrate, tells her that she doesn't deserve the Dax symbiont.
Ezri tells him she agrees, and arches her back, pressing her body
against Julian's.

She comes, and the disapproval subsides a little, slumps into
resignation. Ezri enjoys the silence while it lasts.



*I never asked for this,* she points out, stretching out under the
sheet as Julian sleeps beside her.

*But you could have said no,* says Lela, *You could have let us
die.*

*Then shut up and be grateful. I'm not going to live for ever. And
then the next host will be some approved genius with no personality
who'll let you do whatever the hell you want.*

*It isn't like that,* says Jadzia.

*I let you talk when you're helpful. You're not being very helpful
at the moment.*

*I didn't turn him down all those years just so you could jump into
bed with him the minute you got my memories. Do have any idea what
you're doing to Worf?*

Ezri smiles, *I'm not doing it to Worf, I'm doing it to Julian.*

Jadzia sighs, *Ezri...*

*You're dead. Now shut up and deal with it.*

*You can't keep fighting this. You were doing so well, you were
adapting.*

*I don't want to adapt. I'm happy like this.*

*Not that happy,* says Curzon, dryly, and summons up memories of
other, better, lovers.

Ezri puts a hand over her abdomen and closes her eyes, trying to
will the voices into silence.

*You think that's going to work?* asks Curzon. *You really have got
a lot to learn, little girl.*

She turns onto her side and slips an arm across Julian's chest,
resting her head on his shoulder.

*And he's only with you because Chief O'Brien ran off back to
Earth.*

*Shut up, Curzon, nobody asked you.*

*I noticed.*

*I hate you.*

*I noticed that too.*

*Shut up and let me sleep. *

*You'd probably sleep better in your own bed. *

*How would you know? It's not like you were a paragon of chastity.*

*I wasn't doing it to spite Dax. We're part of you now, Ezri. You
can't ignore us forever. You need us, you have to listen to us. You
have to accept us.*

But Ezri is asleep, and smiles in the silence.