Title: Sale or Return
Author: nostalgia
BOBslash! Yay!


At three a.m. he can't take it anymore. At three a.m. he leaves the
bed as quietly as he can, staring at Keiko as he dresses, begging
her not to wake up. The door is far too loud as he leaves the room
and he winces, glancing back to see if she's been wakened by the
noise. But she hasn't, and he sighs, not quite sure if he's
disappointed.

He manages not to stumble as he walks through the darkened room, and
winces again as another door slides open with far more noise than he
considers fair. In the corridor, he finds that he can't relax, that
his pulse if still racing. He tells himself that he should have done
this years ago, that he's a coward.

If the reaction is negative, he'll go back to his quarters, tell
Keiko that he's certain now, that he'll go back to Earth with her
when the war is over. If she wakes up before he gets back he'll tell
her that he went for a walk. She'll believe him, and tell him that
everything will be fine, that he'll come back without a scratch from
yet another battle. He isn't quite sure what he'll do if he gets the
answer that he thinks he wants.



He's thought about this a lot since that time in Sloan's mind, when
Julian almost asked what Miles has always wanted him to, when things
so nearly were. But he's a coward, and he threw up his marriage like
a barrier, turned him down. But he clung to the hope, to Julian's
admission that Ezri was a consolation prize.

It's this that he thinks of as he makes his way along the habitat
ring, realising that he knows exactly how many steps it takes to get
to Julian's quarters from his own.

It's for the best, all of this. Ezri can be with Worf, take things
back to the way they were, erase a little of the change that's put
everyone slightly on edge. And Keiko… He can sort something out with
Keiko, see the kids when she's off looking at plants. Molly'll get
used to it eventually, and Yoshi's too young for it to make much
difference to him anyway.

And Miles can stay here, with Julian.

That's the plan, and Miles pretends to himself that it's a plan that
leaves everyone more or less happy.

When he gets to Julian's, he pauses for a minute, steeling himself
to go through with it. He distracts himself by thinking of the
repairs he'll need to get through when the battle is over, and
reaches for the door chime before he can think about what he's
doing. He has to concentrate to make himself stay, to avoid slipping
down the corridor and out of sight before Julian can get to the
door.

He needs to do this. And he knows that he should have done it years
ago.



The door slides open and he finds himself looking at Ezri, who's
wearing a nightgown far shorter than he'd ever admit to thinking
that she'd own. She yawns and tilts her head from side to side,
stretching the stiffness of sleep from her neck.

"Miles."

"Ezri…" He blushes, "I was looking for Julian."

Ezri turns pink, as if in sympathy. "Umm… why would he be here?" She
tries very hard to look casual.

Miles feels his mouth twitch into a smile despite his
discomfort. "These are his quarters," he says gently.

She frowns and turns to look at the darkened room behind her. Couch,
table, shelves, teddy bear… Her eyes widen and she crosses her arms
unconsciously. "Oh," she says, finally.

Miles blinks to keep his eyes clear, and realises that he can't go
though with this. It's all become far too complicated, too many
possible casualties. "It's alright. I'll speak to him in the
morning."

Ezri bites her lip. "If it's important I can… I can wake him up."

He shakes his head. "Nah. It's nothing important. Really."

"Well. Goodnight."

The door slides shut again, and he hears a thud as she falls against
it, probably swearing far more than you'd ever expect to look at
her.

Miles stands for a minute, unsure of what to do. Then he starts back
down the empty corridor; back to Keiko, back to the kids, back to
his same old boring life.